As of the moment that I hit ‘publish’ on this blog post, I have successfully completed my first NaNoBloPoMo! I’m disproportionately excited about this! It seems like such a small thing – writing a blog post every day for a month – but it’s something that I was kind of doubting I could do. I have a poor track record for completing projects and a really great one for self-sabotage.
I know that finishing a month of blog posts is no grand achievement. This is not my Emmy speech or anything. It’s just a month. But it’s a month in which I’ve done lots of things that scared me. I had so many doubts as I started my blog for the
first second third time here on WordPress.
What if I can’t do it? Do you have that little voice in your head that’s constantly putting you down? Telling you that you’re not good enough? I do. And I have no idea where it came from. Right now, though, I’m doing my best to ignore it and find out for myself what I’m actually capable of. Turns out, I can do it. This post is proof!
What if nobody reads it? In my dream world, this blog gets hundreds of thousands of followers and I make enough money from all of the various book deals and TV shows that I get offered so that I don’t have to go back to work when my littlest starts kindergarten next year. In the real world, it doesn’t matter if a single person reads this. Ok that’s a lie. If readers weren’t important to me, I’d still just be journalling in Evernote every day. But even still, if a blog post gets 5 views I’m happy. Thirty is something to drink to (and something I’m not sure I’ve done yet) and hundreds of thousands would still be a dream come true but when I was journalling NOBODY was reading. Something’s definitely better than nothing.
What if I sound stupid? This is one that I just had to throw out the window. Of course I’m gonna sound stupid sometimes. I’m human. We’re dumb sometimes. If you can’t forgive me that, then there’s really nothing I can do about it right?
What if my friends don’t want to read it? There’s a difference between not having readers and inviting your friends to read and getting rebuffed. Probably half way though this month, I made a facebook page for the blog. And then I sat at my computer cringing as I clicked ‘invite’ on some of my friends names. Just the ones who loved me enough to tell me if it was horrible at first though. And then others who might not think I was nuts after they read some of my ramblings. Each time I headed back to invite more facebook friends – motivated by the need to get to 25 (?) likes for the insight data facebook promised – I wondered what each person would think when they saw the ‘SimplePeach invited you to like their page’ notification. There are still people that I haven’t invited but now I think it’s just a matter of not thinking about it while I’m at my computer. (Can I do that from the facebook app? Probably. Something for tomorrow night.) I think this will be a constant struggle for me. I know tonight when I go to my computer to make my last few formatting tweaks before I post, I’ll get on facebook and invite more friends. And cringe. I won’t know if they ignore the notification unless I keep track (and I won’t) so ultimately, it can’t hurt to try right?
If you’re still reading, I want to thank you. This turned out to be way longer than I initially anticipated but I’ve found that the cliches are true. Doing something you love is easy. I’ve had more fun writing this month than I have in a long time and despite the fact that it takes a lot of effort, I’m not gonna give up this time.
Have a beautiful evening and thank you again for reading.